"We need loving contact like oxygen"
- Edward Tronick
SENSITIVE & ENCOURAGING
Human beings are bonding mammals, wired for connection. We form emotional bonds with close others which help us to survive and thrive. When we are close in our attachments, we feel euphoric. When those bonds are threatened, our nervous system codes this as a threat to our very existence.
Emotion Focused Therapy for couples is an evidence-based therapy that has 30 years of research under its belt. EFT is a therapy that looks at how relationships can be repaired and how the bonds of love work. It focuses on the “music of emotion” – how we attune and respond to our own and our partner’s vulnerabilities and needs. To learn more about EFT, follow this link https://iceeft.com/what-is-eft/
When we feel secure in our emotional bond with our partner, we can communicate more easily because we do not become overwhelmed in our interactions. We can listen, take what our loved one is saying to heart, and respond appropriately to work towards a solution.
But when that bond is not secure, we can be easily triggered or threatened, such as when our partner becomes critical of us or shuts down. Then, a pattern can take over where we argue endlessly and never seem to get to a resolution.
Susan Johnson, the creator of EFT, says: Underneath all the distress, partners are asking each other: Can I count on you? Are you there for me? Will you respond to me when I need, when I call? Do I matter to you? Am I valued and accepted by you? Do you need me, rely on me?
" Emotional responsiveness - tuning into and supporting the other- is the key element of love." - Sue Johnson
When we ask, are you there for me, what we are asking is are you accessible, responsive, engaged?
This is what defines the security of the bond between those who love each other.
As an EFT certified therapist, I am specifically trained to tune into these emotions and help you shape your interactions with your partner in the session, thereby shaping your relationship into a healing one and ultimately changing your bond into a secure attachment bond.
I never tire of meeting with couples and witness them begin to turn to each other in safety, allow each other to be vulnerable and respond with loving attention. Changing the emotional music changes the dance to one of loving, joyful connection.